what is the point!!!!

Really what is the point??? Man I am having a really hard time getting back to even care about my self, never mind wanting to improve myself!! If I get out of my retune I have a really hard time getting back into it. I got back from OK, which was tiring!!!! Then I get home and I get 2 of the worst colds I have had in along time. All the while I feel like the clock is ticking and I am losing time! So I start to think what is the point! I never leave my house, I am married and Brit loves me know matter what, the world is going to end in two years, why should I even try!!
I look around my house and the kids most definitely have control of the house. I can't stay in control of much if anything, really how do I think I will even get control back. I really think it can't be done. I can't motivate my self to do anything. All I really want to do is lay on my bed watch my soaps and play on the computer. I clean the house the kids just come behind me and destroy everything I have just done, if I leave it alone they won't touch anything. We are living in my grandparents house until we find another house. We wanted to be smart when we sold our house, we wanted to pay off everything before we bought since we are living rent free. So this is not my house I have no place to put anything, I can't paint or make anything better. I have no homes for anything so when I do clean I have know were to place anything. My grandparents still most of there stuff here. So that is depressing!!! I hate this house but good new we should start looking after the school year. Then I really feel like I really don't deserve to get a new house until I feel like I am worthy of getting one and that has to do with my weight!
I want to lose wight, I want a clean house, I WANT to move. How do I do all of this? I can't get control of anything!!!!!!! How do I take back my life, this is not who I am! I don't know how to get me back. I don't know where to even start. Why is it so easy for me to get of track and stay of track!!! Usually I can push this feelings down and find the positive in my life and I am hoping it is just because I am sick and tired that is why all of these feelings are so strong in me.


My goals for this week is to blog, it seems to help work out my feelings when I do! Then to fake it until I make it. And that is all I can do right now!!!!